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Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18 inch wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was ponounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place (My personal favorite!)
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington , DC, appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers – firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

Second Place
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

Runner-Up
TACOMA , WA: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

And The Winner
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged up pachyderm finally let it fly, and burried the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves… "Sh-t happens."
I am totally surprised at the number of people that can't read anything longer than 2 lines. Seems like ADD is everywhere. I thought that there was a medication for ADD.

numbers, 1 & 3 are hilarious.

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Subject: Contest for Most Stupid
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through
an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot
high cliff on his daily run while talking on his cell
phone.

Sixth Place
In Buxton, NC a man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as
he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and
had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him
beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the
outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,VA ,
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as
he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville,
Del,as he won a bet with friends who said he would
not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.
[As Ron White often says: "You can't fix stupid."
These people prove it is a terminal condition. As
always, competition this year has
been keen.]

Third Place
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree
in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first
(and last), due to his lack of a previous record of
violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms: a gun shop
specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers – firearms
customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a
marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter,
having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer,
the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a
50 cal. DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers
who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew
and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene
by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent
autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured,
when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car.
While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the
window was closed.

RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near
by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's
leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his
fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen.
"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.

AND THE WINNER…
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
(Paderborn,Germany) fed his constipated elephant
Stefan 22 doses
of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck
his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
With no one there to help him, he lay under all that
dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
proves…"SHIT (eventually) happens."

As sad and funny as this all is, I am pretty sure that I have at least 4 family members of mine who I could see doing these same things. My husband would dig an 8 foot hole at the beach and sit in it. And I can see the winner in my sister, but only a horse not an elephant. I know, an sometimes hope, that my little sister would run off a cliff. My brother in law would jump off a bridge. So thanks, very funny. I hope that your family is a little more same than mine.

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